


Horsing Around

by Slaskia



Series: Misfortunate Events [8]
Category: Halo
Genre: Gen, Horses, Riding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-25
Updated: 2009-02-25
Packaged: 2017-11-19 03:47:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/568743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slaskia/pseuds/Slaskia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnson takes some of his Sangheili friends to a horse ranch for some R&R, only things don't go so smoothly for one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Horsing Around

“I do not think this is a good idea…,”  The Arbiter muttered. 

“Why not?”  Sari asked. 

“Because this is a _Johnson_ idea…,”  He replied with a huff.  “Last time I went along with one of his ideas, I ended up being a canvas for a bunch of human kids!” 

The pale-skinned female giggled at that.  “I would have loved to see that.  Kids are so adorable.” 

“You would not be thinking that way if you went through what I did.” 

“Well, so long as you are not grumpy like this when we eventually have kids of our own.” 

“That will be different, I assure you,”  There was another jolt as the van hit another bump in the road, resulting in the Arbiter’s skull meeting the roof.  “Confound this inadequately sized interior!”  The Arbiter growled, rubbing his head.  “Johnson!  How much further is it!?” 

The dark-skinned human seemed to be enjoying the Arbiter’s discomfort a bit too much, going by the grin on his face.  “Just a couple more miles Arbiter,”  Johnson replied. 

“I would have rather taken a Phantom there myself,”  Rtas grumbled from his seat across from them. 

“A Phantom would have spooked the horses,” Johnson explained.  “Which would have started us off on a wrong foot with the staff, or in your guy’s case, bad _hoof_.” 

“Har Har…,”  The Arbiter grumbled as he scratched his neck. 

“Is your skin still itchy hun?”  Sari asked. 

“A little,”  He confessed.  “Not as bad though since I put that lotion on it.  I am not using that shower again that is for sure.” 

“Don’t blame the shower, blame the water,”  Johnson corrected.  “You probably just got a dose of water from the tanks that hadn’t been treated properly.  It happens from time to time.  Granted I didn’t realize you had such sensitive skin Arby.” 

“Shut up.” 

They arrived at their destination a few minutes later, Johnson keeping any further wisecracks to himself.  The moment they stepped out of the vehicle, they were hit with the distinctive _smell_ of the place.  “Ahh!”  Johnson said as he took it all in.  “Nothing like the smell of manure in the morning!” 

“I have to admit the smell is not _too_ bad,”  Rtas commented.  “Most Brutes smell worse....” 

Johnson took the lead as the small group entered the property.  They could see the owners residence, a couple of barns and pair of stables from where they entered.  There were several large areas that had rather sturdy looking fences built around their perimeter: in these areas they could see some of the ‘horses’ Johnson spoke about. 

“Some of them do not look like they should be able to stand on those thin legs of theirs…,”  Rtas commented. 

“Appearances can be deceiving,”  Johnson told him as he led them to one of the stables, where one of the staff greeted them. 

“Welcome to _Heritage Ranch_ ,” A tall, slender woman with light colored long hair said.  “I am Maria.  Good to see you again Avery.” 

“Ma’am,”  Johnson said with a polite nod. 

“Who are your friends this time?” 

“Let’s see, the grumpy looking one is the Arbiter; the pale, short one is his mate, Sari, and the one missing half his face is Rtas.” 

“You have such a way with words Johnson,”  The Arbiter growled. 

“Indeed…,”  Rtas said with a snort, folding his arms. 

Maria chuckled.  “A pleasure to meet you all.  What are you boys and girl here to learn today?” 

“I’d figured just the basics,” Johnson said.  “I am not sure if they would be able to ride any.  Well, maybe Sari could, but the other two….” 

“Actually you are wrong there,” Maria said with a small smile.  “One of their kind has already proven to be quite capable of riding one of our horses and he’s bigger then Rtas and the Arbiter here.” 

“And why do I have the bad feeling that I know who this mystery Sangheili is?”  Rtas sighed. 

On cue they heard the sound of hoofs clip clopping behind him.  The group turned and saw a massive black horse stop before them and a rather tall, dark skinned Sangheili hop down.  “Hello Commander,”  The Sangheili said with a grin.  “Good to see you.” 

“Zeno…,” Rtas groaned, covering his face with his hand.  “Why are you here?” 

“Soaking up allied culture of course, Commander,”  Zeno replied.  “Having a lot of fun too.  Especially with Lucky Lady here.” 

“’Lucky Lady’?” 

“The horse,”  Zeno explained.  “She is a Shire, one of the types of draft horses.” 

“She is beautiful,”  Sari commented, reaching to stroke the animal’s nose, but then stopped herself.  “May I?” 

“Go right ahead Sari,”  Maria replied. 

“She feels so soft…,”  Sari said as she petted the horse. 

“She’s been well groomed and taken care of,”  Maria said with a smile.  “Zeno, would you mind helping me with explaining the safety procedures and demonstrations?” 

“Not at all madam,”  Zeno replied. 

The next hour was spent with Maria giving a brief history of the horse, basic anatomy and things to do and not to do around a horse:  such as never stand behind one.  They also found out that this ranch was dedicated to not only riding lessons and tours, but was a dedicated breeding site aimed at preserving the different breeds of horses.  “Are you interested in riding on a trail today?”  She asked when she was done. 

“Would we not need to know how to ride a horse first?”  Rtas asked, looking mildly interested. 

“We have horses that are trail trained.  Which means they are conditioned to follow each other on a trail with an experienced rider at the front.  So no real experience is needed beyond how to stay on, get on and off, and the very basic controls.” 

“I am interested,”  Sari said with a smile, Rtas nodding as well. 

“I suppose I will join in as well,”  The Arbiter said. 

“Alright.  Let us pair you up with your mount then,”  Maria said. 

“Is Bandit still around?”  Johnson asked. 

“Yes Avery, your favorite Fjord is still available for riding.” 

“That makes me a happy man, I love that fella.” 

They watched as Maria went to one of the stalls and brought out a light colored stocky horse with a short mane.  Johnson immediately went up to the horse and patted it on the shoulder.  “Hey there Bandit, long time see!”  The horse nickered in response. 

The next horse Marie brought out was a stark black mare with a braided tail and slightly wavy mane.  “This is High Step, Sari.  She should work for you just fine.” 

“Oh she is gorgeous!”  Sari cooed, accepting the reigns. 

“Ladies always love the Friesians,”  Johnson quipped. 

Next up came a gelded chestnut colored Belgian named Sunset Moon, whom was handed off to Rtas.  Last came a large Clydesdale stallion named Black Devil.  However, before Maria could hand the reigns to the Arbiter, the horse’s ears went back and he reared, bellowing a challenge. 

“What the?”  The Arbiter said, confused as he dived to the side to avoid getting stomped by the horses hooves. 

“Devil behave!”  Maria chided, smacking the horse on the nose.  This did not help however and suddenly the horse broke free and charged the Arbiter, head down, ears still back.  With a yelp he turned tail and ran, making for the fence he could see not far behind the end of the building. 

Sangheili were fast runners, but a horse turned out to be faster.  Just as the Arbiter got to the fence and started to hop over he felt the stallion bite down on his rump.  “YEOW!”  He cried as he flew over the fence and landed face first in the dirt on the other side.  Rubbing his rear, he looked up at Black Devil, whom stood definitely on the other side of the fence with this plain ‘and don’t come back’ look on his face. 

“What by the blood of our ancestors just happened?”  Rtas asked as he and the others ran up, Maria finally reaccquiring her hold on Black Devil’s reigns. 

“I just got bitten on the ass by a horse that is what!”  The Arbiter growled, glaring at Johnson whom was on the ground laughing. 

“Arbiter,”  Zeno said with a serious expression on his face.  “Did you happen to use any lotion on yourself recently?” 

“Yes, to combat the bad cause of skin itch I got after showering this morning.  Why?” 

“Well…I found out the hard way myself Excellency that some ingredient we use in our lotions makes us smell like a rival stallion.” 

The Arbiter blinked at him a moment.  “Wait…you mean to tell me that horse thought I was intruding on his territory?”  When Zeno nodded he looked at Maria and asked.  “Per chance I can use your shower?” 

“Good idea Arbiter,”  Zeno said.  “Before the other stallions get a whiff of you and come looking to get a piece of you as well.” 

“Why…would they….” 

“They can smell you from at least a couple of pastures away Arbiter…and you are currently upwind.” 

The Arbiter looked out at the field behind him, looking nervous.  He could have sworn he could hear the stallions protesting his presence.  Maria tied Black Devil to a nearby post and then escorted the bewildered Arbiter to the house, where he gave himself a good scrub down. 

“Ok…let us try this again,”  The Arbiter said when he returned.  He approached the still tied up Black Devil carefully, reaching his hand out to the stallion.  The stallion sniffed his hand and seemed to be ok with him at first, until the wind shifted again.  Black Devil’s ears went back again and before the Arbiter could react, the horse head butted him, sending him landing on his rump. 

“You did not wash your cloths, did you?”  Zeno asked. 

“No…,”  The Arbiter said with a grunt as he got back onto his feet.  “Let me guess…the smell is still on my clothing….” 

Zeno nodded.  “You did not happen to bring any spare clothing with you, did you?” 

“No…I did not.” 

“Well then, you got two choices,”  Johnson said.  The Arbiter did not like the grin on his face.  “You can either try to ride him el natural.  Or…” The human hefted a sizeable piece of manure.  “Smear your clothes with this to cover the scent.” 

The Arbiter blinked at him.  “You have got to be kidding me….” 

“Unfortunately, if we still want to do the trail we cannot afford to wait to wash your clothing,”  Maria pointed out.  “Unless you opt to wait for us here.” 

The Arbiter paced a moment, considering his options.  Should he put up with the indignity or stay behind?  However the thought occurred to him that if he stayed behind, that smell would still be wafting to the other stallions and he did not particularly want to be alone should they decide to come visit him.  “Alright…,”  He said with a sigh as he pulled off his shirt.  “Get it over with….” 

“Just make sure you do not use manure that came from a female in heat,”  Zeno pointed out. 

“Oh that’s right…,” Johnson said as he happily started smearing the Arbiter’s clothing with manure.  “We don’t want Black Devil here to think he’s a girl in heat and try to mate with him.” 

“Thank you Johnson…that is one mental image I did not want in my head…,”  The Arbiter groaned. 

“Nor did I…,”  Rtas said, shaking his head. 

After his clothing was thoroughly coated with manure, Black Devil finally accepted the Arbiter.  There were additional problems, getting comfortable in the saddles and getting their hooves in the stirrups once aboard their horses, but those were resolved quickly.  Then at last they went on the trail. 

At one point, something spooked Black Devil, which resulted in the Arbiter getting bucked off and adding another bruise to his backside.  Rtas kept getting distracted by the scenery and getting hit in the face with low hanging foliage.  Overall though, the ride itself was rather pleasant.  The aftermath the Arbiter did not care for, however. 

Partly out of pride, the Arbiter wanted his cloths cleaned off before even stepping foot back in the van.  The staff of the ranch obligated by spraying him with a hose and the water was _not_ warm.  Then the cold, still dripping Arbiter caught wind of Johnson remarking how he was going to tell his buddies about this adventure.  Well, he wasn’t about to let _that_ happen! 

“You know that is rather cruel of you hun,”  Sari said a half hour into the ride back to town, which was as bumpy as it was on the way in. 

“I am just covering all bases that is all,”  The Arbiter said with a grunt, folding his arms and still shivering slightly. 

“Still…” 

“Sari…I want to be sure _no one else_ finds out what happened today.” 

“But how does tying Johnson to the back of the vehicle help prevent that?” 

“Arbiter!”  The voice of Johnson said from the back. “This isn’t funny!  I’m getting rope burns and nausea!  Stop the van and let me back in!  Please!” 

“Not until you promise not to utter a word Johnson!”  The Arbiter responded.  “You got…oh…two more hours of bumpy road to do so!”

“I think I see how now…,”  Sari muttered.  “Still cruel though…” 

“He owes me for the other crap he put me through, so this is nothing….”


End file.
